For the modern leader and busy professional, let’s face it: stress is an unavoidable companion you can’t escape. And with the growing demands and responsibilities of life, work, and business, it isn’t something you’ll be escaping any time soon.

So because of this, learning to manage stress's effects is one of the best things you can do. Not only for yourself, but for your loved ones and those you lead. The alternative is to ignore the impact of stress and fail to face the reality of what's at stake. And believe me, that's not the best decision you could make!

To succeed, managing stress isn’t optional

There’s an ever-growing awareness that your ability to manage stress correlates to your well-being and leadership effectiveness. However, from my experience and observations with some of my clients, prioritising stress management doesn't come naturally for many high performers.

And this isn’t because they lack intelligence. Quite the opposite. My clients are typically high-IQ individuals with a proven track record of success in their respective fields. The issue isn't IQ, it's EQ (emotional intelligence). Because what I've found is that they struggle to prioritise their emotional well-being and with time, become overwhelmed with the negative impacts of stress.

As a result, either of their own accord or, on occasion, following the suggestion of an observant partner, they contact me for help. We then work collaboratively to clarify the issues or stressors in their life, identify helpful coping strategies, and make adjustments to promote change. 

But for change to occur, it always requires honest reflection, action, and commitment on their part. But, most importantly, the starting point is developing their awareness and understanding.

Understand what causes you stress

Any leader worth their salt knows you can’t manage an issue or effectively resolve a problem without first being clear on what the problem or issue is. Without a level of understanding about what needs addressing, you run the risk of going around in circles, growing frustrated, and wasting time and energy. And it’s no different when it comes to stress.

Anthony's experience with stress

Take Anthony, for example. Anthony is an accomplished HR manager for a global company who reached out to me with concerns about the impact of stress on his relationships.

Following some initial conversations, it didn’t take us long to discover that he’d been so busy focusing on company acquisitions and managing the daily demands of his HR role, that he’d simply stopped paying attention to his well-being.

Since working with me, Anthony has seen progress in his well-being, an improvement in how he relates to his wife and young child, and a shift in the way he manages his wider relationships. He's also become more cognizant of the demanding nature of his role and responsibilities, his daily capacity, and willing to request help when needed.

Download my free Stress Relief Cheat Sheet. It's a simple 5-step guide to help you get clear on your stressors and manage them one at a time.

Look out for the signs of your stress  

The thing is, if you don’t pay attention to your stressors (the thoughts or events that activate your stress response) or understand how you respond to them, you won’t stand a chance against the powerful effects of stress. In other words, knowing your stress response is key to staying well and maintaining your leadership effectiveness. It'll improve your ability to relate to others, stay focused, make good decisions, and inspire others to do their best work.

But here's the thing: a healthy relationship with stress begins with realising that it isn't inherently bad. Stress is simply your body's natural response to challenge or perceived threat. This is why an understanding of what activates your stress response can help you view challenges as opportunities rather than as threats.

And this is typically what top performers do. They recognise the difference between threats and opportunities. But beyond that they're also aware of the thought patterns and events that contribute to their stress and learn to recognise when they’re being affected by them.

They achieve this by noticing changes in three key areas: physical, mental, and behavioural signals.

The physical, mental, and behavioural signals of stress

If you’ve spent any time at all trying to understand how you respond to stressful events, you’ll have noticed that your stress shows up in three ways. 

1. Physical
2. Mental
3. Behavioural

Physical signals of stress

These signals of the effects of stress have been a part of my journey. I remember several years ago experiencing cluster headaches. Once my wife had convinced me to visit our GP to describe my symptoms, the advice she gave was to "let go" of "whatever it is" that was causing me concern. At the time, it seemed easier said than done. “What do you mean, “Let go?””

However, following our GP's prompt, I considered where to make changes and which responsibilities I could let go of. Then, I took action by putting down some responsibilities, saying, "no" to a few people, and reevaluating my lifestyle habits. And it worked! I saw progress. And with time, I got better. The cluster headaches vanished.

On that occasion, the main symptom of my stress was the headaches. But in addition to cluster headaches, physical signs of stress can also include disrupted sleep patterns, changes in appetite, and fluctuating energy levels. I experienced them all. And on occasion, I still do. The difference now is that I notice and respond to them quicker.

Mental signals of stress

The mental impact of stress can be just as significant as some of the physical effects like indigestion, skin complaints, and frequent colds or infections. And did you know that sustained stress can impair cognitive performance? This dip in performance can be seen in different ways. For example, maybe you're finding it difficult to learn or grasp a new concept.

But it doesn't stop there!

You could be experiencing creative blocks, finding it hard to concentrate, or experiencing lapses in memory. These impairments might also show up as decision fatigue or as emotional outbursts, which are having negative effects on your relationships. Do you recognise any of these signs in yourself?

Behavioural signals of stress

The behavioural signals of stress tend to be the most visible signs for obvious reasons.

Missed deadlines, changes in communication patterns, withdrawal, procrastination, and irritability are all signs that something is off. And, depending on your context, along with these changes are the real and potential impacts on relational and team dynamics.

You’ve probably seen what can happen when you or someone you're close to is in a heightened place of sustained stress. It’s not nice. It can be worrying. Witnessing their withdrawal, slow and steady decline in motivation, or being on the receiving end of their snappy comments or abuse, is difficult to watch and live with.

Understandably, when stress is present and left unaddressed, it's easy for relationships to become frayed or, in worst-case situations, ruptured beyond repair. And this is just one of the many reasons why prioritising your stress management is important. The costs of overlooking your stressors and how you handle stress daily, are high.

Download my free Stress Relief Cheat Sheet. It's a simple 5-step guide to help you get clear on your stressors and manage them one at a time.

There are no quick fixes for stress!

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to managing stress. There are no quick fixes.

Tackling your stress requires commitment, patience, and intention. Any attempt to deal with your stressors and responses to stress must be approached with curiosity and an openness to challenging your beliefs, thought processes, habits, and behaviour. When approached like this, you’ll give yourself the best chance of managing your response to life’s stressors.

You’ll also need to see that effective stress management requires learning to deal with immediate demands, long-term pressures, and your responsibilities.

Why?

Because you can’t outrun or hide from the reality of life’s stressors.

You can't bury your head in the sand and ignore them whilst expecting them to go away.

They’ll always be with you, so the sooner you accept and work with your stress from that vantage point, the better. However, that said, you can grow in your ability to manage stress, but you must first be willing to do the leg work.

Stress management requires intentional effort

No surprise that top performers who manage stress well are those who’ve done the reps. They've made the effort and put the work in. They’ve shown a commitment to understanding their stress responses and with support, have developed a catalogue of helpful approaches to coping with their stress constructively.

The benefits of structured stress management techniques

One approach high performers use is the implementation of structured stress management techniques. Just as they'd commit to acquiring other skills needed to perform well in their chosen field, high performers understand the importance of discovering stress management skills and strategies that work for them.

They appreciate that strategic thinking, planning, and the daily practice of effective stress reduction techniques can minimise the negative impacts of stress. They also understand that taking a structured approach to stress shifts the focus from feeling powerless to being in control. And that with this approach comes the added benefit of increasing the chances of resolving the problem causing you to feel stressed in the first place.

Prioritise effectively to manage your stress

When combined with intentional problem-solving, high achievers use prioritisation to reduce the unhelpful impacts of stress. One example is to practice the 90-90-1 rule. This approach encourages you to spend the first 90 minutes of each day, for 90 days, focused on your top priority. Not three 'priorities', one.

Admittedly, this is unlikely to be practical for everyone, but with forethought and negotiation, the principle can no doubt be applied in some form.

Life balance doesn’t exist!

Accepting there’s no such thing as life balance will be one of the best gifts you can afford yourself. Far too often, I’ve heard people wish for a day of balance when, in reality, it will never come. Well, not if by ‘balance’ you mean not needing to attend to the everyday demands that accompany this transient thing we call life.

The sooner you come to terms with this, the better. And when you do, it can feel quite liberating!

And I'll tell you why...

Because in accepting the inevitability of life's stressors, you’ll free yourself from the pressure of finding the ultimate answer to living the life you want. And instead, you’ll see the benefits of understanding your response to life’s stressors and committing to learning to manage stress better.

Consider this: the concept of 'life balance' is binary, encouraging an either-or, right-or-wrong way of thinking, which is not helpful in a world full of nuance.

So rather than holding a binary view, focus on integration. Concentrate instead on creating a healthy, integrated, sustainable blend: a mix of personal and professional interests. This more modest way of thinking leads to freedom from guilt, greater satisfaction, increased resilience, and improved performance.

Download my free Stress Relief Cheat Sheet. It's a simple 5-step guide to help you get clear on your stressors and manage them one at a time.

Building good support systems

You can do many things to develop your effectiveness as a high performer or leader, but one that can often be overlooked is your ability to build a strong support network. Many people admire the rugged individual. We treat those who present as being self-determined, self-directed, and self-reliant as heroes. They’re often placed on pedestals and revered as "self-made."

But to maintain your health while making a difference in the world, you must develop strong relationships with people who can speak lovingly and truthfully into your life. To successfully handle the stressors life throws at you, and navigate the daily challenges that come with your responsibilities, you need to set aside the notion of individualism that accompanies the rugged hero trope. It won't bode well in the long run!

A strong support network will make you more resilient and help you navigate the nuanced landscape of life and work. Typically, your support network will consist of two groups:  

1. Personal support network: friends, family, and professionals equipped to help you manage your well-being and personal development (counsellor, fitness coach, financial advisor, etc.).
2. Professional support network: peer groups, industry networking groups, online communities, and professionals who can help you manage your professional development (coach, clinical supervisor, etc.)

Those who participate in structured professional networking programmes stand a better chance of doing well during tough times. Equally, those who place an emphasis on spending time with others, whether that be with friends, family, community or interest groups, tend to have better overall well-being and live longer. So it’s worth making the investment.

From Theory to Practice

It’s all good in theory, isn’t it? Understanding your response to life’s stressors, prioritising better, and building your support network for longevity?

But if it were that simple, people wouldn’t be taking an average of 21.1 days off a year for stress, depression, or anxiety, which is just shy of the typical employee's annual leave entitlement. They wouldn't be struggling. Often silently...

These figures highlight that stress management isn’t easy. And that’s why moving from understanding to action requires a structured approach.

I’ve seen that people who follow a structured program are more likely to maintain their stress management routines and see better long-term results.

I believe this is because self-awareness, coupled with the ongoing support and accountability that accompany a structured program, gives you the best possible chance of succeeding where you’ve failed in the past.

Success stories from people like Anthony (our example from earlier), are proof that structured support works.

Anthony's story

When I first asked Anthony to describe his main concerns, he spoke of being anxious about the impact of his temper on his relationships. He described his behaviour as being irritable and snappy for several months.

This came to a head when, after a few explosive incidents, the signs of his unmanaged stress were becoming more noticeable to his wife, who eventually raised the alarm and encouraged him to get support, which, with her encouragement, resulted in him contacting me.

Like many other high-achieving men I work with, Anthony had become so blinded by the demands of his life and work that he couldn’t recognise the signals that something was wrong. Sadly, it took several emotional outbursts and the expressed concerns of a loving partner for Anthony to consider getting the support he needed.

Fortunately for him and others, Anthony responded to his wife's encouragement. He sought support and eventually saw a change. It wasn’t immediate, but it did happen. But he only witnessed a change because, with time, he took an honest look at his relationship with stress, how he attended to his well-being and the impact of his behaviour. 

Anthony's story isn’t uncommon. In fact, many of the men I work with are encouraged by a concerned partner to get in touch. And like Anthony, they benefit from a structured approach to addressing their stress for long-term lasting change.

Next Steps

It’s clear that unmanaged stress is a massive problem for many leaders and busy professionals. Similarly, without a proactive and structured approach to addressing your stressors and how you relate to stress, you’ll find yourself moving from one challenge to the next, feeling overwhelmed or burnt out.

Taking steps to handle your stressors will ease daily pressures and help you become more confident in managing your stress responses. And with these two things in place, you’ll see an improvement in your relationships and performance across all areas of your life.

Just as it did for Anthony, it starts with one step, one conversation, one connection, or trialling one new strategy. It doesn't need to be hard. In fact, with just one step, you can change the direction of your life. So with that said, which one step will you take next?

Download my free Stress Relief Cheat Sheet. It's a simple 5-step guide to help you get clear on your stressors and manage them one at a time.