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The fact that I came across a porn site while searching for something on parenting, really concerned me!

How a Porn Site Tried to Stop Me From Being a Good Dad

Recently, following an disagreement with one of my sons, I stopped to reflect on how I could’ve managed the situation better. This led to me going online to look for helpful resources on parenting, and in particular being a good dad.

One of my life goals is to be the best dad I can be, so it was in that context that I went in search of advice on managing conflict in the best way possible. Because of our fallout, I was also feeling emotionally vulnerable.

So with that, you can imagine how disconcerting it was to have typed in what would’ve been a legitimately appropriate domain name in the hope of finding something useful, only to be led to a porn site.

Fortunately, the landing page only revealed scantily dressed females along with multiple hyperlinks, and not any hardcore images. Yet, in that moment of vulnerability, I was faced with having to make a decision.

“Do I consider the options presented on the page and click on a link, or do I press the backspace button and return to the last URL page?”

Though it felt like a lifetime, and though the temptation was real, I’m grateful to be able to say that I chose the latter and returned to the previous URL page. I’d escaped the lure of instant gratification once again.

Now, please hear me when I say this. That was just one victory among many loses.

For in the past, when faced with a similar temptation, I’ve made a different decision, become lost in a virtual world of lustful perversion, and made to live with the guilt and shame of my choice.

Pornography is good?

For many, there’s no issue with porn. Some would even consider it a healthy form of recreation.

In fact, you may think that porn is good. And to be fair, I think you’d be hard pressed to find a red-blooded man (including me) who’d argue against the appeal of pornography.

So you know what, I totally agree with you – porn is good.

Well, it is on the surface! And that’s why it’s so appealing. Because it offers so much by way of instant gratification and pleasure. And for men in particular, it’s pleasing to the eye.

But its the long term affects of pornography that I have issue with; the impact it has on my relationship with God, myself, my wife, my family, and the wider community.

I also know that by watching it, I’m silently supporting the exploitation of the thousands being trafficked for sex against their will for the pleasure and financial gain of others.

That’s why as much as I’m tempted, I choose to refrain from looking at sites that I believe taint the God-given gift of marital sex, objectify women, and imbed unrealistic ideals about body image, in the minds of its viewers.

Pornography is addictive

Truth is, just like alcohol and smoking, porn-use can become an addiction. I know too well the addictive power of pornography – of how its use can form an unhealthy, distorted view of women in the mind.

Research has found that porn-users, once addicted, were unable to stop using pornographic material as a sexual stimulant without help.

This inability to stop was despite negative consequences such as divorce, loss of family, and problems with the law (for example, sexual assault, abuse, or harassment in the work place).

Some professionals go as far as to suggest that pornography can be a more difficult addiction to break than cocaine. That being true, its fair to say that we ought to treat it with caution.

Pornography in the media

Martin Saunders recently published a helpful article in response to 50 Shades of Grey (the movie), scheduled for release on Valentine’s Day. In it he gives thought to how pornography shapes our brain and shares some other considerations.

The same movie, which has been dubbed by critics as ‘pornographic, exploitative, sexually violent, and anti-romance’, has caught significant media attention from critics who’ve gathered over 25,000 petitions to boycott the movie.

Despite the controversy, some see porn as harmless. Others argue it’s benefits as an aid to perk up their sex lives.

I’d suggest that if you need to watch someone else perform sexually to feel aroused with your lover, then there’s a deeper flaw in your relationship.

Okay, I know that to some my response may seem a little un-laddish and unmanly, but my attitude towards pornography has been shaped by my own experiences and awareness of its power and destructive nature.

You may be unaware, or in denial, about your own addiction.

Summary

Its because I believe that everyone’s entitled to their own view and able to make their own choices, that I’m concerned that a pornographer would choose to use a legitimately sounding domain name to host a porn site.

Just think, there’ll be other dads out there seeking encouragement and direction on how to be better fathers to their children, and instead of finding resources that help them in their efforts, they’re being directed to pornography.

And that makes me angry!

Because in my view, when I struggled with addiction to pornography, I wasn’t being the best dad or husband I could be. My porn-use didn’t help me to be a better husband to my wife, or father to my two sons or two daughters.

It actually did quite the opposite.

Over to you

Would you consider porn a positive or negative influence on your life?
How does your attitude to porn impact the way you view women?
Where would you place yourself on the five stages of pornography addiction?
Who would it be helpful to talk to about your attitude to pornography?

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