We’re all inspired by courageous people. As each overcome their fears to accomplish great feats, their courageous stories of valiance are rich, compelling, and moving.

Not only are we inspired by courageous individuals, but we too desire to stride boldly in the face of our fears and live life to the full. And that’s what we’re supposed to do – we’ve been given one life in which to make a difference.

But what sets some apart from others is their determination to overcome fear and walk into the fire that requires courageous living.

So next time you’re faced with your fears, consider these three steps to being courageous:

#1. Allow yourself to be courageous

Without breaking free from limiting thoughts, you’ll never take risks.

The result is that you’ll stagnate and grow discontent. Moving forward requires you to recognize and discard the negative voices in your head preventing you from courageous risk taking.

Once recognized, these thoughts need to be replaced with wholesome, constructive and evidence based ones.

“He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.” Muhammad Ali

Having done this, allow yourself to take risks – acts of courageous faith.

#2. Understand that courageous living isn’t easy

No worthwhile accomplishment comes without a degree of sacrifice. Becoming your best ‘you’, requires experiencing a level of suffering, setback, and pain.

In fact, I’m personally encouraged and reassured that – whether the result of my own poor choices or otherwise – some of my greatest life lessons and personal growth will be the result of such experiences.

Whether starting a business, raising a family, training for a marathon, or building a strong marriage, there’ll always be a cost to you – physically, emotionally and spiritually.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Courageous acts are the result of being prepared to step out and take responsibility. Though not easy, without a willingness to move away from what you’re comfortable with, your ability to achieve your true potential will be limited.

#3. Courageous living requires overcoming fear

Doing something for the first time is always scary!

Whether its public speaking, asking someone on a date, attending a job interview, or approaching a contentious issue, everybody experiences fear – it’s normal.

However, the difference between the courageous and not so courageous, and those who realise success and those less successful, is that they refuse to be held by fear.

“I learned that courage wasn’t the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who doesn’t feel afraid, but he who conquers it.” Nelson Mandela

As you recognise your fears make a commitment to use them as a catalyst towards success. Rather than allowing your fears to paralyse you, having asked some helpful questions to challenge them, don’t hesitate to embrace the thing you’re fearful of.

Some questions that challenge your fears can prove helpful. For example,

• Is my fear rational or based on fiction? – What is the worse possible outcome, and how likely is that to actually happen?
• Is the motivation for my fear internal or external? – Am I worried about my capabilities or the opinions of others?
• Is there anything I can do to make me less fearful? – Could I better prepare myself?

Being courageous requires faith. And stepping into the unknown means being willing to embrace uncertainty. Though fear will always be present, when you decide to live a courageous life, it doesn’t have to stop you in your tracks.

Despite the challenges life presents, having a courageous faith – one which says, ‘What the heck, I trust in One bigger than myself!’ – will help you face your fears and stride confidently towards accomplishing your own feats; great and small!

Your thoughts

What courageous steps have you taken recently? How did you overcome your fears? What was the outcome? Share your comments!

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A commitment to having a good attitude in tough times makes all the difference. Despite this, we often choose an attitude that is unhelpful.

We all have bad days, and we all experience occasions when the burden of circumstance weighs down on our shoulders. Unfortunately, this is life.

During these times we can find ourselves asking questions like, “Why me?” — only to again discover their unhelpful nature.

A right attitude is important

It was Albert Einstein who famously defined insanity as,

“Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Any expectation that the same behaviour will bring about a different result in a similar situation is tantamount to madness, and if we’re not careful, can become habitual. The same could be said for continually choosing a wrong attitude in difficult times.

For many — myself included — there’s a danger of approaching life’s challenges with an unproductive attitude.

Some examples may include:

• Blame – failing to take responsibility for your part in the situation you find yourself in, and pointing the finger at others.
• Denial – not accepting your present reality, its potential consequences, or taking steps to prepare for the worst.
• Escapism – allowing distractions to take priority, rather than giving time and energy to address the issue at hand.
• Isolation – withdrawing and not seeking support, advice and encouragement from those around you.
• Giving up – allowing yourself to lose hope in the possibility of things working out for good, and instead becoming pessimistic.

Your attitude is your choice

Believe it or not, your willingness to accept responsibility for your actions will have more impact on your ability to handle life’s challenges than you think. The truth is, though you may not be able to choose life’s obstacles, you can always choose your attitude and your responses to them.

The decision to have either a good attitude towards your situation, or to play the victim, is entirely yours.

Of course, there will be occasions when in spite of your best efforts and plans, circumstances will be beyond your control. The story of Job as explored by John Piper being just one example.

But ordinarily, its not fate, karma, luck, or destiny that determine the outcome of the circumstances you find yourself in, it’s you. And it’s only when you accept responsibility for your choice of attitude; that you’ll begin to see and experience life’s challenges differently.

When faced with challenge or upset, burying your head in the sand, blaming others, or getting angry, will make no difference. And sadly, even taking good, thought through, and strategic action, can also prove fruitless in those situations that are beyond your control.

The reality is, once the cogs start to turn, there are some things that are simply outside of your power or capability to be changed. In such cases, its better to accept your problems and live in the hope of a better future, than it is to allow yourself to be overcome by stress.

You either crack on, or crack up!

Choosing your attitude is empowering

Though your choices can be limited, you continue to have significant power. You have power to choose your response, to decide whether to succumb to cynicism, fear or doubt, and most importantly, to determine your attitude.

Knowing you have a choice about the way you think is a powerful realisation.

With the right mindset life’s challenges present opportunities for personal growth and development. And finding them can be as simple as asking more helpful and empowering questions. For example,

• “What am I learning through this?”
• “How could others benefit from my learning?”
• “Where are new opportunities opening up?”
• “What am I now open to considering?”

Having considered this, when faced with life’s inevitable obstacles, not only should you give thought to solutions, but also to your attitude. For in choosing a right attitude, you regain personal power.

How do I do this? By keeping your eyes on the big picture, remembering that your troubles are temporary when compared to eternity, and by being mindful that your attitude and behaviour — particularly in the midst of challenge — are indicative of your ever developing character.

Over to you…

When faced with difficulty, what’s your attitude of choice? How helpful have you found your normal choice of attitude? Does it need to change?

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As far as learning a new skill is concerned, feedback is a valuable tool that, if used well, can be worked to your advantage.

In view of how valuable feedback is, I was surprised to discover that less seems to be written on receiving it, than there is on giving it.

I wondered, could this be indicative of our lack of receptivity to criticism?

Maybe.

Or, was it related to our willingness to scrutinise the failings of others through a magnifying glass, more readily than we are to look at our own shortcomings?

Possibly.

Either way, feedback is something we need to invite into our lives for both our personal and professional development.

Why is feedback so beneficial?

We learn more by doing, than we do by explanation. The use of self-feedback as part of an evaluative process in professional development is widespread. It’s a key component in reflective practice.

An age old axiom says,

“Tell me and I’ll forget, show me and I’ll remember, let me do and I’ll understand.” Confucius

With this in mind, learning ‘on the job’ is the best approach to developing a new skill. Whether learning to play an instrument, become a nurse, or to speak another language, learning whilst doing is better than theory alone.

This is why working with a trusted mentor is key to the development of the most successful people in life. For in working with someone more experienced and knowledgeable than themselves, they’re able to gather wisdom, insight, and regular feedback that helps them to succeed.

But though feedback is beneficial for skill development, I want to share three reasons why using feedback will ensure your personal growth, whilst at the same time, underpinning any success.

#1. Feedback develops humility

Growing in your willingness to receive feedback develops humility, as its a gentle reminder of your fallibility — your need for the support and input of others in the pursuit of any endeavour.

Hearing feedback from others evokes a range of negative and positive emotions.

In receiving feedback on a consistent basis, you’ll learn to identify the nature of your ego, and be better equipped to keep a healthy and balanced perspective of yourself.

#2. Feedback challenges perfectionism

If you lean towards perfectionism, feedback can help you in learning to embrace your humanity and go easier on yourself. For the perfectionist, accepting personal flaws is a tough one — very tough!

Yet still, the reality is, no-one is perfect.

As your ability to receive feedback develops, so too will your understanding and acceptance of your limitations. This results in a liberating shift in thinking, that enables you to focus on the things you do best.

#3. Feedback develops self-awareness

Like it or not, you have blind-spots. The Johari Window illustrates this well. And despite how mature, experienced, or well read you are, it’s impossible to know yourself completely.

Though you’re able to understand yourself better through reflective learning — self feedback — receiving the feedback of others is vitally important, if you wish to grow more self-aware. For they’ll see things that you don’t.

How should you respond to feedback?

I’ll share in more detail how to respond to feedback in a later post, but here are a few things to consider.

• Listen — Be attentive to what the person giving feedback is saying by not interrupting.
• Show grace — Separate content from delivery. Some people aren’t that tactful when giving feedback.
• Seek clarity — Be clear on what the person giving feedback is saying by asking for specific examples.
• Quantify — Measure feedback against evidence. A second opinion may prove helpful.
• Be grateful — Whether negative or positive, feedback is always helpful. So be sure to say, ‘thanks’.

Sometimes a reluctance to invite feedback is the result of fear. Maybe you’ll hear something you’re avoiding, or worse still, see an area of self-denial exposed. Either way, if this is true, its something that will need addressing.

Receiving feedback isn’t always easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is. However, if you learn to be open to embracing feedback in all areas of your life, you’ll see progress in not just your skill development, but more importantly, in your personal growth too.

Questions to consider

How consistent is your openness to feedback? When was the last time you took a few moments to evaluate yourself? Who was the last person you gave permission to speak candidly about your blind spots? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

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Despite the ineffectualness of worrying, when faced with crisis, we often give an imbalanced proportion of our time and energy to it.

Worrying is a waste of time

Over years I’ve learnt that giving emotional and mental energy to things outside of my control is a waste of time. When faced with a difficulty or problem, my default was too often to start worrying and become overly anxious.

This always proved pointless.

“Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning.” Winston Churchill

There’s great insight in Winston Churchill’s observation. For if we gave as much time to creative thinking as we did to worrying, we’d devise significant plans to create change.

Worrying doesn’t change your situation! And sages of all generations have taken wisdom from the Bible to reinforce the notion that worrying fails to bring about positive outcomes of any kind.

Knowing this, why do we still do it? Habit maybe?

Worrying about people’s opinions is a waste of time

If for a moment you considered the things you have control over, you’ll not be surprised to discover that the list is short. In relation to your work or desired future, you’ve actually got very little control over a number of things.

Think about it. You’re powerless to determine whether your creative efforts, proposals, or ideas — regardless of how mediocre or great — will be liked by their recipients. Opinion and likeability is objective.

The truth is, some will love them, some will hate them. Few may value them, and many may appreciate them. It’s all relative, and more importantly, out of your control.

But rather than allowing this to be a cause of unnecessary stress, use this reality to help fine tune your priorities.

Instead of worrying about what you can’t control, give your best energy to the things where you have the greatest influence — your attitude, disciplines, willingness to accept responsibility for mistakes, and your personal growth. All of which will significantly impact your long-term success.

Besides these, prioritise other things of significant value that only you can do. For example, being the best mother to your child, a faithful husband to your wife, a loving wife to your husband, a studious learner for your tutors, or a conscientious employee for your boss.

Only you can do these things — day in, day out — and as a result, influence positive and successful outcomes.

Why exert energy on worrying?

Exerting energy on things outside of your control doesn’t add up. Focus rather on continuing to do what you do. And above all, enjoy doing it.

Whether you’re a doctor, teacher, parent, or creative of any type, simply do what you need to do — give your gift, use your talents, and make your contribution.

For it’s your gift that the world needs, as there are those who’ll be influenced by your willingness to share.

So keep giving, and stop worrying about what you can’t control.

Over to you…

Do you ever catch yourself worrying about things outside of your control? How do you manage yourself? Share your thoughts or ideas in the comments!

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We all face problems — sadly, sometimes more than we’d like. Family, work, and life in general, each have a tendency to throw them our way.

I admit, I’m not always good at dealing with life’s problems. And being honest, my threshold for difficulty isn’t always as high as I’d like. When problems arrive, at times, coping with them is the last thing I want to do.

Like recently, upon facing the reality of our newly purchased Renault being diagnosed by a specialist dealer as being, “not roadworthy”, I wanted to cry. As a family of six (plus one dog), this wasn’t news I wanted to hear. It presented two main problems.

Firstly, the huge inconvenience to family commitments and routines proved to be much cause of frustration. Secondly, having spent thousands to purchase it, the financial hit — repairs and a replacement vehicle — doesn’t bear thinking about.

Whether we like them or not, problems need to be addressed. So, in light of the problems we faced with our vehicle, here are five things you can do to address life’s little hiccups, that are sure to give results.

#1. Be honest about your problems

Seeing your problems for what they are is an essential first step in resolving them. When faced with a difficult situation, you’ll gain nothing by burying your head in the sand — it won’t help!

Objective observation of your situation, and clear definition of what your problems are, will better prepare you to face them.

#2. Don’t complain about your problems

Having gained clarity about the problems you’re facing, the next thing is to avoid the temptation to complain. Though complaining may appear cathartic in the short-term, the stark reality is that whining brings no long-term relief.

Complaining will not cause your problems to fritter away. It simply compounds them, and in the process, causes you to become fatigued. That said, constructive complaints may be required to resolve your problems.

#3. Look for solutions to your problems

Having avoided the enticing nature of complaining, seeking solutions to your problems is the proactive — and right — response. This will most likely involve doing some research, gathering the opinions of those you know and trust, and asking for help and expert advice.

I once read that its important to,

“Focus 90% of your time on solutions, and only 10% of your time on problems.”

Attaining possible solutions will give you a blueprint from which to determine any number of plans of action. This will also help relieve any anxiety associated with your problems, as you’ll feel a greater sense of control.

#4. Decide what to do about your problems

With possible solutions in hand, you’re now able to identify what plans will best resolve your problems. The key here is to set goals that are ethical and achievable.

Be mindful too, that with any number of options at your disposal, it’s possible to get waylaid with choice. It’s at this point that you need to be decisive; not deterred by fear or procrastination.

#5. Commit to dealing with your problems

Now you’ve come this far, it’s clear that you’re motivated to address your problems and move on. This is good. Your willingness to bite the bullet and take action is what separates you from those who do, and those who want to do.

A commitment to addressing your problems is guaranteed to move you towards getting the results you want — in any situation.

Truth is, your problems may not be resolved

With all problems there’ll be factors outside of your control. What does this mean?

It means that although taking the previous steps will place you in a strong position, despite your best plans and efforts, there’s no guarantee that your problems will be resolved as you’d desire. And you’ll need to prepare yourself for this possibility.

If this is true, the challenge for you is having the strength of character to continue doing what is right, despite not getting the outcome you hoped for.

Over to you…

What approach do you take to facing problems? How would you advise someone facing a challenging situation? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

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Mahatma Ghandi said, “A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.” This being true, intentionally critiquing your negative thoughts has the power to change your life.

Over a period of months, I’ve scrutinized my thought habits. Doing so has helped me identify both positive and negative thoughts, and give consideration to automatic self-talk and attitudes.

What I’ve discovered is a relationship between my negative thoughts and my levels of confidence and willingness to pursue a goal.

For example, I’d say, “I’m not good with numbers”, or, “Why blog, what have you got to say that’s worth sharing?” The effects of both were clear. Firstly, I avoided doing budgets – not helpful. Secondly, I procrastinated in sharing my written thoughts and learning. Neither were my desired outcomes.

You too may find that your thought patterns aren’t supportive of your pursuit in some worthwhile endeavour. It may be thoughts of not being a good parent, that you’re too old to get a job, or that you’re too unfit to start exercising. Each, if unchallenged, can prove counter-productive.

Having recognised that negative thoughts could be preventing you from reaching for better, just as I’m learning to do, you may also want to consider challenging any destructive thinking habits.

In knowing that awareness of your unhealthy or negative thoughts is vital to your well-being, here are five steps to keeping a handle on them.

#1. Identify your negative thoughts

Recognizing your negative thoughts is the most important step to managing them. Consciously increasing your awareness of negative thoughts and their disruptive impact will help in motivating you to take control of them.

#2. Be motivated to stop your negative thoughts

Being intentional about stopping your negative thoughts is the second most important step to challenging them. If you’re not motivated to change them, you’ll continue to live with their subsequent destructive consequences.

#3. Know the history of your negative thoughts

Understanding that your negative thoughts are birthed from past experience is key. What’s more important though, is being conscious that it’s your interpretation of previous events that fuels your negative thoughts, not the events themselves.

#4. Decide to have positive rather than negative thoughts

“We are what we believe we are.” C. S. Lewis

You’ll always have thoughts – the inevitability of thinking is something you’re unable to prevent. However, whether you want to live out of the experience of positive or negative thoughts is your choice. Taking charge of your negative thoughts by reframing them into more productive ones is a way of handling them.

#5. Address your negative thoughts patiently

Over the course of your life negative thoughts become automated.

As a result, it could take time to change them into more helpful patterns of thinking. Knowing this, it’s important to go easy on yourself.

Patiently consider the process of change and allow time to reach your desired outcome without being over critical or hard on yourself.

Over to you…

What impact have negative thoughts had on you? How do you manage them? Share you thoughts in the comments!

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Routine helps with life management. Having a plan then, is vitally important to maintain health, focus, and productivity.

I appreciate opportunities to travel, as it’s something I’d always wanted to do as a child. So visiting the Big Apple with Mel for the next few days excites me. However, without being intentional, being away from home, could impact my daily routine.

Expectations and journey

Having arrived around midday Thursday, at first glance, New York was almost everything I’d expected it to be — big, busy, and grey! I’d anticipated bright lights, but overcast would be more accurate a description. I’m certain an evening walk will remedy my disappointment.

Our flight from London Heathrow was good. We read, napped, and watched an on-flight film. Mel was in hysterics at a comedy she was watching — I love to see her laugh!

We landed safely — obviously! — before boarding an Air Train that took us from JFK Airport to Grand Central Station (via the subway). Having watched so many films where scenes had been shot at these locations, it felt surreal.

After walking — what felt like — several miles in the wrong direction, we finally arrived at our hotel to a room with not one, but TWO flat screen TV’s. I can only assume that guests like to watch multiple channels at once!

Not for me, thanks. My short channel hop exposed me to nothing but rubbish — or should I say — garbage. Though I’ll give another attempt at discovering something, lets say, more interesting, my next couch visit will most likely be characterised by me sitting with a book in hand.

Keeping to routine (where possible!)

Knowing that simple changes to my daily routine can derail me, I’ve learnt to be intentional about preparing for them in advance. As such, I’ve put the following five things in place during our short stay:

1. Connecting with our children. Our relationship with our children is important to us. We want them to know they’re loved, valued and thought of. Daily emails to encourage, express love, and update them on what we’re doing, in addition to a Skype call, is on our list of priorities.
2. Sharing meals. Our health is important to us, so having been warned about the food portions served, we’ve determined to share meals and buy more if needed — we’ll also treat ourselves, I’m sure!
3. Exercise. Maintaining a good level of fitness helps keep me energized, alert, more in control of stress, and motivated, so I’ve brought our Gymboss to ensure we’re able to do some High-Intensity workouts.
4. Time to write my journal. Journalling, a discipline I practised years ago, is one that I’ve picked up again more recently. Not dissimilar to blogging, I find it helps me to gain clarity of my thoughts, feelings, and make more sense of my world. And, before you say anything, it’s not for girls!
5. Time to read. Reading helps me relax and exposes me to a greater understanding of things internal, external, and from other perspectives.

Let the day begin (well, continue)

Today we’ll enjoy the first of two bus tours around this city, which we’re really excited about. I plan on being a truly bona-fide tourist with camera in hand.

Your thoughts

Have you ever been to New York? Where would you recommend we visit during our short stay?

The post The Importance of Routine (Whilst in New York) appeared first on Reflections.

As you’re reading this post, chances are you lead a busy life. You probably have targets to hit, a home to run, and deadlines and expectations to meet. If this is you, considering how you manage stress, may be key to your health.

Whether in the caring profession, a student, parent, business leader, pastor, or teacher, you’ll live with stress at some point — most commonly, when your commitments become overwhelming and too much is on your mind.

But there’s good news – stress can be managed.

Despite some of life’s demands being difficult to handle, the use of effective stress management techniques, make it possible for you to maintain good health, overall well-being, and remain productive.

What are the causes of stress?

Typically, stress occurs when you’re faced with difficult life events such as redundancy or the diagnosis of a long-term illness. And more often than not, its associated with feelings of having little or no control over your circumstances.

Though not a diagnosed medical condition, if you experience too much stress, it can lead to more severe health problems, such as depression.

This has been my experience in the past. For in trying to manage the pressures of work, family, and people expectations, I slowly spiralled into an emotional black hole, where even the smallest of tasks became overbearing.

What I learnt from my experience is helping me to better manage the stressors in my life now. The same could be true for you.

In addition to exploring more common stress management techniques like regular exercise and relaxation, practising the three I’ll share in this post, is helping me to maintain a good level of well-being and cope with life’s challenges.

Two of the techniques I’ve practised, and have found helpful. The other, I’m new to, and am still evaluating its effectiveness. You too, may want to consider trying them.

#1. Develop daily routines

In addition to meeting work deadlines, managing your home, and addressing issues with your irrational neighbour, surprisingly, decision-making can in itself, be a big stressor.

Why? Because making a decision, big or small, requires exertion of emotional and mental energy, which can lead to stress.

Developing routines reduces the number of decisions you need to make throughout the day, leaving you with more capacity to focus your energies on the things that are most important. The formation of healthy habits usefully conserves your energy.

In an interview with Vanity Fair, President Obama said of his routines,

“You’ll see I wear only grey or blue suits. I’m trying to pare down decisions. I don’t want to make decisions about what I’m eating or wearing. Because I have too many other decisions to make.”

In recognising that decision-making requires mental energy, I’ve found that the development of daily routines like preparing school lunches, getting my clothes out, packing my training gear, and making a list of my priority tasks for the next day, is a helpful and effective stress management technique.

Having your own daily routines will help to reduce stress, not only by forcing you to consider and identify what’s most important, but by giving you a greater sense of control.

#2. Use positive ‘if-then’ self-talk

The biggest influence on how you view and respond to situations is you. What you say to yourself makes the biggest difference.

Knowing this, one effective stress management technique is to use a self-management strategy known as implementation intentions. This strategy involves the use of an if-then plan, which can lead to increased goal achievement.

With this strategy, you first need to note the things that typically evoke negative emotions. A humorous example may include, the toilet seat being left up — for many women the cause of much frustration.

Then you determine your ideal response to this emotion. For example, stay calm.

Once you’ve identified your ideal response to this emotion, state an intention that links your desired outcome to the evocative situation. For example, ‘if the toilet seat is left up, then I will remain calm’.

Studies of if-then plans, as a self-regulative tool for thought and action, have shown their usefulness in helping to modify responses to negative emotional stimuli such as fear and disgust.

An if-then plan can be an effective stress management technique, as it could also lead to the development of new habits that require no conscious effort — resulting in you being less stressed.

#3. Go easy on yourself

People who give themselves a break from the tyranny of self-loathing and condemnation linked to perfectionism, tend to be less depressed, more compassionate, more optimistic, and here’s the big one — more successful.

The more you punish yourself for mistakes and focus on past failures, the more likely you are to be stressed.

Studies have shown a relationship between self-control, perfectionism and stress. The findings highlight the role of self-control as a strategy to deal with high-pressure situations where perfectionist strivings may induce stress.

Contrary to some thinking; that ‘cracking the whip’ will result in more success, self-compassion does more good in the long run, in that it can reduce your stress levels and improve performance.

I recently showed a little compassion to my body by taking a two-week break from high intensity training. Though I still maintained healthy eating habits — well, within reason — I noticed that when I recommenced training, I was more invigorated, energized, and most importantly, more motivated, to train at my best.

Having periods of self-compassion is an effective stress management technique, that if done well, can produce great results.

Your thoughts

How are you managing stress? What have you found to be helpful stress management techniques? What would you add to the list? Share your thoughts in the comments.

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Differences will inevitably arise, but a successful relationship requires a husband and wife to work in unity. With this in mind, its important to consider what couples need to agree on for a healthy marriage.

For a healthy marriage, there are certain things that couples need to see eye to eye on. If they don’t, the chances of marital success decline.

I’ve learnt there are a number of issues that my wife and I can ‘agree to disagree on’, as they’re not detrimental to the strength of our relationship. Whether the kitchen utensil used for frying an egg is called a spatula or fish slice, is just one example.

However, over the years we’ve also discovered a number of areas that we can’t afford to disagree on. In this post, I’ll share three key agreements for a healthy marriage.

#1. In a healthy marriage, couples agree to be truthful

Trust is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships. It’s not always easy, but truthfulness is necessary if you want your marriage to succeed. Though there are some things a husband should never say to his wife, your willingness to tell the truth is important.

Being truthful hasn’t always been easy for us. On occasion, disclosure has been painful. However, honesty has always proven helpful in the long run, and resulted in the strengthening of our relationship.

Communicating the truth may result in tears, upset, and even conflict. Yet, despite the potential consequences of an issue raised, a healthy marriage requires a commitment to being truthful with one another.

#2. In a healthy marriage, couples agree to prioritize one another

A reason for marital break down is couples growing apart. The demands of parenting, work, caring for elderly parents, and other life distractions; can result in the leading of separate lives.

“A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt everyday.” Andre Maurois

A commitment to prioritizing one another is essential in strengthening your relationship. In response, we’ve formed a habit of weekly date nights, as this reflects our relationship being a priority, and helps us maintain a healthy marriage.

The focus of our marriage time — quality. We give one another our undivided attention; free from life’s demands and distractions.

During our times, we do any number of things, including:

• Reflecting on the things we enjoy about one another
• Reminiscing
• Sharing and talking about dreams and aspirations
• Making love
• Celebrating our shared history
• Exploring strong emotions (e.g. excitement, grief, joy)
• Playing games
• Watching films (often a romantic comedy of sorts!)
• Eating a meal

Intentionally focusing on building a healthy marriage, by setting aside quality time, is key to its success.

Prioritizing one another develops intimacy, builds trust, and keeps your romance alive. Friends, family, and any children you may have, should know this too.

#3. In a healthy marriage, couples agree that divorce is not an option

Despite there being cases when divorce is necessary, in a healthy marriage, couples agree that permanent separation isn’t open to discussion.

Other than in exceptional instances, such as abuse or unfaithfulness, for which support towards a resolution can be sought, husbands and wives should determine not to entertain the idea of divorcing.

Removing the ‘D’ word from your marital vocabulary — in spite of any difficulties — gives an assurance of your commitment to one another. This increases the chances of successfully building a healthy marriage.

In agreeing that divorce isn’t an option, you communicate your intent and willingness to resolve issues at all costs — ‘for better and for worse’.

Commitment to a healthy marriage

Marriage requires effort, patience, compromise, and a willingness of heart. Your motivation and commitment to the three key agreements will determine its success.

Agreeing on all three, will result in a greater sense of trust, understanding, security, and purpose in your relationship; leading to a successful and healthy marriage.

Over to you…

What would you add to the list of things couples need to agree on for a healthy marriage? Write your thoughts in the comments below!

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The post 3 Key Agreements For a Healthy Marriage appeared first on Reflections.

Planned naps at home or work will improve your mood, enhance your performance, and increase your sex drive. These are some of the benefits of taking naps and why you should make them part of your daily routine.

Contrary to popular perception, research shows that daytime naps aren’t reserved for the lazy or depressed.

In fact, besides 0-5’s, who typically sleep after lunch to recharge as part of their daily nursery routine, there have been a number of famous adults who’ve benefited from napping too!

Winston Churchill, Thomas Edison, John D. Rockefeller, Albert Einstein, Leonardo Da Vinci, Sylvester Stallone, and John F. Kennedy, each successfully effective in their own right, all advocated napping and made them part of their daily schedule.

Guilt free corporate napping

In response to the increased productivity and improvement to morale that napping provides, corporate giants like Nike, Time Warner, and Newsweek, all provide quiet rooms where workers can rest undisturbed for short periods.

Going a step further, Internet mogul Google, has sleep pods around its Mountain View complex where workers can experience restful napping haven.

If you have any sense of guilt associated with the idea of sleeping during your busy working day, knowing that some of the worlds leading companies endorse daytime naps, should help.

The benefits of taking naps

Having a nap, improves your effectiveness.

According to Microbiologist Dr. John Medina, author of Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home and School, sleep loss has a crippling effect on thinking, attention, memory, reasoning, and mood.

The risks related to lack of sleep are potentially lethal. Disasters including the Exxon Valdez and the Challenger Space Shuttle accident were both, in part, attributed to sleep deprivation.

Dr. John Medina says,

“Ever feel tired in the afternoon? That’s because your brain really wants to take a nap. There’s a battle raging in your head between two armies.

Each army is made of legions of brain cells and bio-chemicals – one desperately trying to keep you awake, the other desperately trying to force you to sleep.

Around 3pm., 12 hours after the midpoint of your sleep, all your brain wants to do is nap.”

In view of this, here are three reasons to make napping part of your daily routine and how they will improve your life.

#1. Taking naps improves your performance

Research conducted by NASA on one thousand volunteers; found that 30 minute naps increased cognition functioning by up to 40%, and that those who worked without rest gained lower scores in intelligence tests.

Similarly, tests carried out on strategic napping among air traffic controllers in New Zealand, showed improved alertness and performance in those who had scheduled 40 minute naps.

Whether comfortable with the idea of napping at work or not, evidence shows that the advantages of a short snooze in your schedule, far outweigh the costs of increased errors resulting from lack of focus and fatigue.

#2. Taking naps improves your health

Your body will become tired throughout the day — this is normal. Commonly, when this happens, people drink caffeine or intake sugar to boost energy and increase alertness. However, use of stimulants, disrupts your body’s natural rhythm and boosts the likelihood of weight gain.

Conversely, daytime naps compliment your body’s sleep cycle, without the health risks associated with extra calories.

To maintain optimum health and protect your heart, a short nap is a better use of time than consuming caffeine, biscuits and sugary foods — often common office practice.

#3. Taking naps improves your mood

Your body needs 7-8 hours of sleep for you to function at your best.

Unsurprisingly, sleep deprivation impairs your motivation, tolerance and patience — having insufficient sleep can result in you not being the friendliest person to be around.

Increasing your rest with daytime naps will positively impact your relationships with friends, family and co-workers. Added rest will enhance your sense of well-being, giving you more capacity to interact graciously with others.

Other benefits of napping

• Increased libido
• Better creativity
• Enhanced metabolism
• Increased alertness
• Relief for migraines
• Enhanced night-time sleep
• Accelerated ability to perform motor tasks
• Improved judgement and decision-making

Tips for nap taking

Keep it short — Taking naps for anywhere between 10-30 minutes will give you a suitable recharge without leaving you feeling groggy.

Get comfortable — Taking naps in low light is most ideal. Your body temperature will fall, so adjust the thermostat or use a blanket.

Be consistent — Taking naps at a regular time of day will help maintain your body’s natural sleep cycle. The ideal nap zone is between 1.30-3.30pm.

Use the toilet – Taking a nap on a full bladder could prove embarrassing!

Practice – Taking naps will at first feel like a chore, but as with anything, practice makes discipline.

Over to you…

Have you ever taken daytime naps, and if so, how have they affected you? How does the idea of taking daytime naps make you feel?

Leave your thoughts in the comments below!

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The post 3 Benefits of Taking Naps and How They Improve Your Life appeared first on Reflections.