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We’ve all experienced being let down. We’ve all been failed. We’ve all been disappointed. But when living in a world of imperfect people, that happens. It’s called life.

Are-You-in-Danger-of-Playing-the-Victim-But not everyone sees it like that.

I didn’t either.

I’d play the victim.

I’d want a pound of flesh from those I believed caused me pain.

I’d not let it go.

But I soon realised that playing the victim wasn’t endearing.

Neither was it mature.

It was childish and it hurt.

And to be honest, it irritated me.

I irritated me.


Because deep down I wanted to be free.

Free from the weight that came with being a victim.

Free from the lies that reinforced my negative script.

Free from the isolation caused by my unwillingness to change.

There had to be a shift.

I needed a different perspective.

And looking at life through a different lens was the solution.

Yes, I’d been failed.

But I’d also failed.

I’d failed to make my concerns known.

I’d failed to acknowledge my needs.

I’d failed to ask for help.

Yes, I’d been failed.

But I’d also failed.

So taking responsibility for my failings was liberating.


Because I was free to escape the baggage that comes with being a victim.

I was free from the thoughts that shaped my behaviour.

And I was free from the isolation caused by my distrust of others.

From where came the shift?

It came from accepting responsibility.

By taking back the power I’d given away.

Because that’s what happens when we play the victim.

We give away our power.

We sit silently, waiting for others to take the lead.

And yet despite our discontent, we remain quiet.

There lies the pain — its in the indecision.

Our failure to choose whether to stay or to go.

To remain silent or speak out.

To trust or to mistrust.

To assume the best or to question every motive.

From where comes the shift?

It comes from a realisation that passivity and resolution cannot co-exist.

It comes from seeing that openness is the key to mutual understanding.

It comes from looking for the good in every situation.

And that’s where victims get it wrong.

That’s where I was once stuck.

I failed to see the good.

And instead focused on what I perceived to be the bad.

Because that’s what victims do.

They see the problems, but not the opportunities.

They see the lack, but not the abundance.

They give away their power and live in self-pity.

— and there lies the pain.

Where might you be playing the victim?

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